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The question you need to ask your partner to diffuse an argument – Times of India


Arguments are exhausting. Complaining about office drama or fighting about the piled-up dishes in the sink are only some of the reasons why couples fight. Even if it is considered a healthy practice in marriages and relationships, it can lower the morale of the couple when things get rowdy. While fighting, couples end up yelling, swearing or even crying because both seem to come to the conclusion that, they don’t understand each other’s problems. And that means, more fights.

The number one thing couples can agree on while fighting is that they both just don’t understand what approach they need to take to solve the argument. Whether it’s agreeing with each other or boasting about individual opinions and views. You both don’t understand what exactly you two need to hear at the moment. And so, you both get stuck, unable to decipher the differences between you two. However, if analysed carefully, couples can come out of this uncharted territory by applying a magical, yet basic marital solution i.e, ask each other these questions while fighting:

Do you want me to comfort you?

Or

Do you want me to give you solutions?


Recorded to end fights most of the time, these simple two questions can come out to be very handy for couples who are unable to grasp why their fights always turn ugly.

Sometimes, in the event of an emotional or physical disaster, all we want is someone to comfort us. While you spit indifferences about the cruel aunt from your partner’s side of the family, you would want nothing more than to have your partner to be on your side for once, so that they can also support our frustration over seemingly difficult family matters. Regardless of any situation, sometimes, you just want some comfort.

While on the other hand, asking for solutions to problems seems like a better and mature idea at times. Relying on comfort from your partner during a fight may not be what you are looking for, instead, you might want some practical views or solution to the fight you are having with your partner right now. You might want to know where you went wrong and what is the quickest solution to dissolve the fight.

This helps you figure out what exactly you need


This leads us to wonder if fights happen because couples don’t understand whether they require comfort or solution at the moment? Probably yes, because these two simple questions above, can solve the problem in a jiffy. It leaves no room for miscommunication or misunderstanding as you have to just answer whether you want comfort or solution in the fight. Going around in circles, treading over the same points will garner nothing, except for more disagreements, anger and spite.

This will not only help you get clarity to what you want but also helps your partner to direct the fight towards your current needs and vice versa. You both are further allowing yourselves to vulnerable during fights and arguments. By asking each other these two golden questions, you both will move a step closer to understanding what you both want, and most importantly, diffuse the fight at once.



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