That’s exactly what happened when life gave me this man. He was charming. And when I say charming, not the flirtatious man who will sweep you off your feet. Charming in a way where once he starts walking towards you, you will know he’s going to get you good with a conversation. He met me at a coffee shop where I usually spend my weekends with my diary, some thoughts and a pen. I love my me time and the calm that I get in my favourite corner of the coffee shop near my house is phenomenally satisfying for me. Like always, I sat there with my diary and placed an order for my usual cold coffee. The owner of the place had gotten to know me by now. So I didn’t really have to explain how I liked my coffee. I was just starting to read my previously written pieces in my diary when the waiter came to my table with the wrong order. Engrossed in my diary I let the waiter place the order on my table without having a look. And just when I was about to sip on it, I realized it wasn’t mine. So I walked up to the counter to tell them that they probably switched up my cold coffee with someone else’s order.
That’s exactly when this guy walked up to the counter with the same query. We looked at each other and instantly realized that our orders got switched and it was probably best to not disturb the owner for the same. We exchanged a smile and a very small-talk kind of a conversation while we took our respective orders from each other. I was just about to get back to my table when he interrupted and told me how he liked the colour purple on me, said it was his favourite colour too. Now, how often do you find a man whose favourite colour is anything different than blue, black, white or grey? It took a second for me to softly say, “Thank you!” Soon after, I found myself with my thoughts, sipping on my coffee scribbling through pages when mister charmer walked up to me again. This time he waited till I looked at him. “Can I help you with anything?” I asked while I looked at his light brown eyes. He smiled and said, “I’m sorry, I couldn’t help but notice how intriguing you looked all this while sitting here by yourself with your diary and a cup of coffee”. I wasn’t ready for this conversation because I thought he was trying to hit on me and all that came out with my mouth as a reply was, “Yeah, I really like the quiet in here because it lets me pen down my thoughts and I would really appreciate if I got some alone time right now”. I did try to put out a smile to not come off as rude. But he didn’t mind that one bit and quietly walked away to his table again.
I finished my coffee, my time at the cafe and walked out of the place for my usual walk around the neighborhood. Every weekend when I am around these streets, I stopped by to play with some puppies just by the corner. This man walked out of the bungalow where the puppies usually are and told me how I can come in to play with them if I’d like to. Now, I had no idea that it was his house and these puppies belonged to him too. He apologized to make me feel weird back in the cafe and told me how he only wanted to tell me that he finds the cafe quite a place to sit down with his thoughts too. We then engaged in a conversation about everything that we could possibly think of and in no time, we were giggling together and surprising each other with how similar our interests were. “Seriously, where were you all this while?” he asked me while realising how we’ve formed an instant connection standing outside his house, playing with the puppies.
That was the moment. That was it for me. I suddenly got a flashback of how I’ve faced this before in my life and how badly it all ended for me. I’m a very sensitive person who got attached to a significant someone a year back just like this. I invested all my time and energy into this person, did everything in my capacity to make it work, even avoided the red flags in the entire relationship and ultimately got my heart broken. I found myself in the same vulnerable state with this new man. The fear started kicking in and I instantly told him, “I’m sorry. I don’t know what was I thinking. I don’t know you, and I don’t intend to know you too. I know we clicked quite well but I’m not ready for this. I don’t want this. And I know that if I have one more conversation with you, I might end up in the same place where I was a few months back. It’s taken all of me to get myself out of it and I don’t want any of it all over again. I’m sorry once again. You’re a great man.” I didn’t even stand there for him to say something in return and I ran out of that place as quickly as I could. What happened next? I never went to the same cafe, never on those streets too. Kept thinking about the guy who made me laugh in just one conversation. But somewhere in my heart, I knew how much I’m going to fear to lose him if it went on for any longer, and so, I let him go before any of that happened.